-----Original Message-----
From: hemant mehta [mailto:hbm@softhome.net]
Sent: Tuesday, May 27, 2003 7:37 AM
To: shuddha@cox.net
Subject:  EXPERIENCES AFTER GNAN

 

Background

I am Hemant Mehta from Mumbai aged 27 year and am a software engineer by profession. I am a Jain by birth. In my family, my mother used to do all the Jain rituals (going to temple, Samayik/Pratikraman, pooja, fasting etc).

Till age of 24 belief was that different religions have different gods and we being Jain have Mahavir Swami as our God. He takes care of Jains. So used to go temple occasionally and recite Navkar mantra without knowing its meaning. Used to fast on the last day of Paryushan Parva because everyone used to do it. That was all about religious activity. Then got married and wife was very much inclined to Jainism rituals and fasting. At that point of time questions started sprouting in mind. Why all this fasting? What’s the fundamental science behind all this?

 

I started reading about Jainism on Internet, subscribed to mailing lists and started asking questions. This went on for months and got a glimpse of the Vitarag Dharma. I found Jainism very scientific and rational. But still it was all at intellectual level and just in theory.  And there was always a feeling of dissatisfaction that something is missing. The puzzle continued.

 

My search on internet one day took me to www.dadabhagwan.org site and I happened to download the book Fault Is Of The Sufferer. Immediately after reading the book, there was an inner feeling that Yes this is it. This is what I had been searching for. That very moment I had surrendered to Dada. Got completely convinced that these words are from heart and not intellectual. Subsequently, found out details of satsang and took Gnan on 10th Feb ‘2002.

 

 Soon after Gnan

Immediately after Gnan I felt if nothing has happened. I was expecting something out of the world to happen. But the same didn't happen. I got demoralised thinking what went wrong. Should I take Gyan again? But I didn't have a iota of doubt regarding Dada's Gnan. Then as days passed Gnan started showing its power. Automatic pratikramans started happening. The world started looking innocent. Also during free moments automatically, "I am Shuddhatma" used to start internally.

 

In the months that followed the Gnan

I am Shuddhatma used to be there only in words and somehow, I was not experiencing the separateness from body. There were loads of intellectual questions. Even after reading Aptavanis, asking questions, reading other books I was not getting satisfactory answers. But I continued attending satsang and reading Aptavanis. Over a period of time, I started getting answers from within inside and the separateness from body also started getting stronger. Answers started coming automatically with Anubhav...growing inner experience... and realized that the same was not possible with intellect. At that point of time, felt from within inside that "I m Hemant" belief has been completely fractured.

 

 

External experience: in your interpersonal relationships, home and life around you.

Dwesh/abhav has disappeared to a large extent. And if it does happen, instant pratikramans happen.

Previously I had the habit of arguing a lot and trying to prove my point but now even that has reduced.

 

 

Any unresolved issues after Gnan.

If any, its my own ajagruti ....trying very best to be as much as possible in Dada's Agnas...

 

 Jai Sat Chit Anand