Experiences After the Gnan Vidhi
Of Gnani Purush Dadashri
My experience after receiving The Gnan of Gnani Purush Dadashri from Atmagnani Deepakbhai
Making It Easy For The Western Seeker
Like most of us, I have been a spiritual seeker for many years. About 20 years ago, it started with an initiation experience of a spiritual awakening after I started reading and meditating according to the instruction in a book by a self realized teacher.
The consequent experience of bliss and unconditional acceptance of everything lasted about 3 months, then ended abruptly. I was left wondering what `I had done wrong' and where `God had gone'. It was followed with as deep a hell experience as the previous heaven experience had been. However, it also left a mantra carved into my Heart: `Thy Grace is my sufficiency' . That helped me through the following 5 months of seeming hell, and kept me in a state of surrender to the Divine. It has never left me.
Unaware of all the conditioning and karma that still covered my Pure Soul, this experience put me on the Spiritual path trying to `get God back'. I feel blessed to have met many wonderful spiritual teachers, guides and therapists. They have all helped me in the process of realizing that the outside is merely a reflection of the inner terrain of thoughts, beliefs and feelings, and have helped me shed a lot of the layers of misperception of who I thought I was, and shed light of who I really am.
Over the years there have been several realizations of `I AM THAT', along with `Pernilla is nothing but a thought'. However, they would move into the back ground and Pernilla remained, although more and more transparent and less and less interested in being `somebody'. The overall flavor seems more like a subtle integration, often simply noticing it after the fact like: `Oh yes, I see!'
Especially the previous 6 months before Gnan have been a wonderful preparation for it. So in a way, I can say that there was nothing really new in it. On the other hand I would be lying if I said that it has not made a big shift in the way I perceive life now.
Right after I received Gnan, I felt very expanded, joyful and just Being. Not really anything new.
However, the next day, when I was waiting in the airport to go home, I became very aware of how many thoughts of judging/criticizing /having opinions I was unconsciously engaged in. Again, I cannot say that I had not seen this before. But now it felt like a light had been switched on inside of me and I could not avoid seeing it. At the same time a little engine had been turned on inside, that just cannot allow any harm to be done to anyone or anything. It felt like a little eraser, from lack of a better word, that erased the negative thought and opinions as they came out. Frankly, I felt quite exhausted sitting there waiting for my flight and constantly noticing these thoughts and then erasing them through a process called Pratikraman.
There was no doing involved, it was all just happening, and it hasn't stopped. Now the process is anything but exhausting, and there can also be a doing involved. It feels liberating and at times blissful to be freed of these harmful energies and thoughts, which allows the Pure Soul to be enjoyed as myself more and more.
The deepest intent inside of not doing harm to anything/one is now so obvious, and feels like a best Friend or Guide, who is paving the way for my full liberation.
Another thing I noticed was that all the `good things' or `bad things' done through thought, speech or action are the very `things' that come back to `me'. No matter how big or small. And of course it is normally considered desirable to have good things come back. However, seeing that the world as Pernilla experiences it, is basically her own making, the only way to be fully liberated from this world, is to be freed from Pernilla.
I know this may sound harsh for all of us who have been spending a lot of time on embodying our feelings, and integrating our different parts and many other wonderful and loving approaches that are available to us today, and I don't feel any time was ever wasted doing that. And yet, I am happy to say that I am having a more loving relationship with Pernilla now than ever before. I AM her guide now and she is so willing and committed to do whatever it takes. And she does not have to go outside for God anymore. I guess you can say that that is a major shift?
The experience of being what they call Pure Soul in this lineage, has become more real, and I am acutely aware that I am not Pernilla. There are still times where I get identified with her and forget who I am. But it does not last long. So even though I know I am not Pernilla, with all subsequent wants, feelings, memories, actions, beliefs etc, and that they have nothing to do with realizing who I am, it has always felt important to purify her way of being in the world.
After the Gnan, we are introduced to 5 Agnas or principles to help the stabilization and continued deepening into the experience of Pure Soul. At first I was resisting having to do it. No more doing, please! However, I was willing to give it a try, which I am glad I did. There is nothing forced or strange about it. It is simply a very wonderful support. And now of course, it has become something I really want to do: What could be more important?
The teachings that are offered through the books, CD's and DVD's are very supportive too. They have really deepened my understanding and experience of what has happened and is happening.
After I returned home from the Gnan, I was meditating and had a revelation in the form of a vision/feeling: It felt like Pernilla was the beautiful gemstone in a ring. Smoothly polished and shining. And now she was being `jerked' out of the thongs that have held her (the gemstone) in the ring. The thongs that had been holding me down , felt like they were the teachings that had helped her reach this stage of the trip. And now it felt like the bottom part of the gemstone (which was still rough and unpolished) was being exposed to the light and moving into a much higher state of Being/Teaching. There was a feeling of disorientation of where I suddenly found myself now: Taking my first steps towards the next Horizon.
At first I was hesitating sharing these experiences, because somehow it all seems quite ordinary and a continuation of what started 20 years ago, and not necessarily a strong before and after Gnan story like it may be for others. However, I am aware that we all have our own unique way of realizing who we are and I think it is important to honor each way as it unfolds and not compare with others. It is all a matter of Scientific Circumstantial Evidence or Vyavasthit (in Gujurati), and depends on more factors than any of us could ever comprehend with our present state of understanding. The Gnan and the teachings have made the ride through this Vyavasthit so much more easy and enjoyable; are giving me the ongoing deepening and liberating effects through following the 5 Agnas; are giving me the enjoyment of `cleaning up my own mess', along with deepening the awareness of being Pure Soul. I feel a deep gratitude for having received such a blessed Gift.
Along with that, I want to end with sharing how deeply touched I am by all the people involved in these teachings. Everyone offers such a love and dedication to share everything to anyone who is interested without any minor sense of wanting anything back, except of course wishing for you your full liberation. And to top it off, it is all offered free of charge.
Feel free to contact me with any questions.
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Jai Sat Chit Anand