From: hemant mehta [mailto:firstname.lastname@example.org]
Sent: Tuesday, May 27, 2003 7:37 AM
Subject: EXPERIENCES AFTER GNAN
am Hemant Mehta from Mumbai aged 27 year and am a software
engineer by profession. I am a Jain by birth. In my family, my
mother used to do all the Jain rituals (going to temple,
Samayik/Pratikraman, pooja, fasting etc).
age of 24 belief was that different religions have different
gods and we being Jain have Mahavir Swami as our God. He takes
care of Jains. So used to go temple occasionally and recite
Navkar mantra without knowing its meaning. Used to fast on the
last day of Paryushan Parva because everyone used to do it.
That was all about religious activity. Then got married and
wife was very much inclined to Jainism rituals and fasting. At
that point of time questions started sprouting in mind. Why
all this fasting? What’s the fundamental science behind all
started reading about Jainism on Internet, subscribed to
mailing lists and started asking questions. This went on for
months and got a glimpse of the Vitarag Dharma. I found
Jainism very scientific and rational. But still it was
all at intellectual level and just in theory. And there
was always a feeling of dissatisfaction that something is
missing. The puzzle continued.
search on internet one day took me to www.dadabhagwan.org
site and I happened to download the book Fault
Is Of The Sufferer. Immediately after reading the book,
there was an inner feeling that Yes this is it. This is what I
had been searching for. That very moment I had surrendered to
Dada. Got completely convinced that these words are from heart
and not intellectual. Subsequently, found out details of
satsang and took Gnan on 10th Feb ‘2002.
Soon after Gnan
Immediately after Gnan I felt if nothing has happened. I was
expecting something out of the world to happen. But the same
didn't happen. I got demoralised thinking what went
wrong. Should I take Gyan again? But I didn't have a iota
of doubt regarding Dada's Gnan. Then as days passed Gnan
started showing its power. Automatic pratikramans started
happening. The world started looking innocent. Also
during free moments automatically, "I am Shuddhatma"
used to start internally.
the months that followed the Gnan
I am Shuddhatma used to be there only in words and somehow, I
was not experiencing the separateness from body. There were
loads of intellectual questions. Even after reading Aptavanis,
asking questions, reading other books I was not getting
satisfactory answers. But I continued attending satsang and
reading Aptavanis. Over a period of time, I started getting
answers from within inside and the separateness from body also
started getting stronger. Answers started coming
automatically with Anubhav...growing inner experience... and
realized that the same was not possible with intellect. At
that point of time, felt from within inside that "I m
Hemant" belief has been completely fractured.
experience: in your interpersonal relationships, home and life
Dwesh/abhav has disappeared to a large extent. And if it does
happen, instant pratikramans happen.
Previously I had the habit of arguing a lot and trying to
prove my point but now even that has reduced.
unresolved issues after Gnan.
If any, its my own ajagruti ....trying very best to be as
much as possible in Dada's Agnas...
Jai Sat Chit Anand